and you thought you had problems

apples

Try moving to Salt Spring Island. You think it's all goat cheese and handy crafts? Think again my friend! Crime is on the rise! All those hippie stoner kids seem to have nothing better to do than wreak havoc on the lives of the poor artist islanders. It's getting out of control... just look at this heartbreaking tale of brutality featured in the letters to the editor of 'The Driftwood', the community newspaper of the Gulf Islands:

"Islanders beware, there's an apple thief on the loose! Do you know where your apples are? I write this missive to alert the community and to assuage the fury I'm feeling toward the low-life who ran off with the apples I risked life and limb to pick.

The thief stole a heaping-full-bag of apples that I left in the care of a rosehip bush on the side of the trail on the way to Burgoyne Bay on Wednesday, September 28th around 2pm.

When I returned about 10 minutes later, my apples were gone. The nerve! May you choke on a worm or an earwig for your misdeed! Next time I'll be waiting for you in the bushes with my quiver full of stinging nettle arrows.

Peter Prince,
Burgoyne Bay"

Thankfully, Peter's vocabulary was spared.