D O double Geez

On Sunday I saw Snoop Dogg live in concert for the first time. I had high expectations (pun intended of course). I knew not to arrive for at least an hour after the show time printed on the ticket. Just as I suspected, the opening act, The Game, was just going onstage when I walked into the Pacific Coliseum. I could tell the marijuana smoke had been filling up the place for at least an hour already, and this is what I had expected having heard the urban legends of smoke so thick at Snoop's concerts that one could not even see across the arena. I could see across the arena but almost everyone seated around me was either rolling, smoking or already baked. The Game was better than I expected. He got the crowd hyped up with the usual ode to fallen rappers and singers bit. He got all the testosterone pumping by getting the entire Coliseum to chant "suck my d*ck" to everyone he hates. He had some cute, toned and extremely flexible dancers flanking him and riding around the stage on cool lowrider bikes. He even chugged two bottles of champagne (ok, maybe more like one after he sprayed the first bit onto the front-rowers) in less than 20 seconds. Then he pointed at some hoes in the audience and his people began herding the groupies backstage for their 15 minutes of fluffing.

Then came the disappointing 2 hour gap between The Game and Snoop, during which several fights broke out and my drug enduced paranoia made me worry about a possible riot. I heard later that Snoop did not even arrive until 10pm, then dilly-dallied his way to the stage by about 10:40. The ticket said "show at 7pm". Haha.

Snoop's act started with a short soft-core porn film on the large projector screens. Of course he is the star and gets to fondle two pretend lesbians. Honestly I thought the film was a staller because Snoop wasn't going to show up at all. Then his bony ass finally slithered onto the stage. I must admit I was probably more excited than I would have been if I had not waited so long and started thinking he was going to let us down. And I do like him, I really do.

He performed all the classics and current hits, breaking only for his DJ on the projector screens from backstage acting as "DJ EZ Dick", a character from Snoop's debut CD Doggystyle. That whole thing was kinda lame. I would have preferred a real DJ on the stage doing some intricate scratching demonstrations. On top of all that, the crowd was so burnt out by the time Snoop performed that they weren't too eager to participate in his crowd-hyping activities. That was the funniest part. Snoop better take into consideration the fact that the majority of his fans are heavy duty pot smokers next time he makes an arena full of them wait two hours to see him. By the time he was singing his goodbye song, people were already filing out of the arena. There would be no encores, the stoners needed to go home to bed.

I guess it's gong show pic of the month now... 

Always On

The Salesman 

Every office has one or more of those people who are always on. By always on I mean they are always kissing someone's ass, making small talk with everyone and asking them about their lives, when everyone knows full well that they really couldn't give two shits. These people make me uncomfortable. Not that I'm a paranoid weirdo, but it seems like you can never really tell who these people are. Their true identity is clouded by this brown-nosing, charm-the-pants-off-everyone attitude. They could think you are the biggest doofus in the world and you'd never know it. Why are people like this in the business world? And why the hell does it work so well? Personally, I can't stand fake people. I hate small talk. I don't care how you are today and I'm not going to ask you because I know that most of the time people ask that question because it is a formality. No one ever really cares how everyone else is doing, and no one tells the truth anyway when asked because they know no one really cares. Ever tell the truth when someone asks you how you are? The person who asks always looks startled. "Actually Bob, this is the shittiest day of my life!". Bob will look at you like you just turned blue or something. Could you imagine if people just told the truth about how they feel and interacted with people the way they really wanted to and it had no effect on their commission? I think it would be something like this:

Client: "Hey, I'd like to buy some of your product, but I hope you don't charge me an arm and a leg and breathe hideous garlic breath in my face like you did at our last meeting"

Salesperson: "Yeah I'll charge you whatever I think your Benz-driving fat ass can afford and there's nothing you can do about it because we are the best in town and I honestly don't think you will go anywhere else. By the way I had lots of onions in my salad at lunch. hhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiii hhhhhhhhowww are you today? Hahahah! As if I give two shits! As long as you are in a good enough mood to fork over a cheque!"

Client: "Ok, I'll sign the contract and you can expect my payments to be late at least a few weeks and your harrassing phone calls to be ignored."

Salesperson: "Excellent, we have a deal then."

Nasal But Good

Rufus Wainright - Want Two 

I recently acquired some CDs that I would not normally be interested in, but now that my musical horizons are slowly expanding, I am trying to hear a little of everything. I've always been intrigued by Rufus Wainright's music after being a quiet fan of him when he first came on the scene, and also enjoying his contribution to the I Am Sam Soundtrack. This album, Want Two, is exactly what I expected from him... a drunken, nasally drawl, which sounds like it would be hard to listen to, but I like it. If you are depressed about a difficult lover, or you are just lounging and having a glass of wine, Rufus definitely provides some appropriate music on this album. The only thing I don't like about his style is that when he inhales to sing another line, it's like he's clenching his teeth while he breathes in heavily making a highly irritating hissing noise. Some might not mind but I personally have a thing about annoying breathing patterns. But I'm just weird like that.

Parental Discretion Advised

Snoop Doggy Dogg - Doggystyle 

This was my very first hip hop album. I think I was in grade 8 when I got it for my birthday from my friend Karley. I listened to it from beginning to end and knew all the lyrics by heart. I remember I sold it to a friend and later regretted it and bought it back, only to find that her mother had taken out the album artwork due to its explicit content. I have since lost that CD. I just got it again as a perk of working at a radio station.

Now when I listen to it I am baffled by how quick I was to sing along to the blatantly mysogynistic lyrics such as "bitches ain't shit" and "it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none" (meaning if a girl doesn't give it up to a guy AND all his friends she is no fun). I think back then it was the infectious beats that made me love it. I still listen to it. But now I laugh at my young self for being so naive. And it saddens me a bit because I realize how impressionable my friends and I were and how oblivious we were to the messages we were subjecting our young minds to on repeat in our CD players.

Now young girls can go with 50 Cent to his 'candy shop' and lick the 'lollipop'. The artwork in his latest album 'The Massacre' sickens me. My favourite photo is of 50 Cent and the female member of his rap group, Olivia, stirring a giant cauldron of what looks like chocolate milk. The cauldron also contains two topless women. I wonder what I would have thought of it back in grade 8. I probably would have put it up in my locker or something ridiculous like that. Other photos include underwear clad women holding guns and flanking 50 as he stares down his nose at his followers, and a lovely home scene of 50 counting cash and weighing drugs while one of his women is ironing in lingerie in the background. I would love to ask Olivia how she feels about this 'artwork'.